I don’t know how to write this post without looking like I’m being pushy, or shooting myself in the foot! I rarely struggle with posts, But I’ve had this one on draft for a week now. So, I have gathered all the courage my fingers could master and clicked ‘publish’. Here’s to hoping I will still have readers after this post.
Maybe your spouse looks at you and feels like shouting, “Act your age!” But they know better than to rattle an already grumpy, unreasonable human being so I will do the (dis)honours for them: There is a possibility that you are married to a child or you are the child in the marriage. Because many times we are busy running to our best couple and pastor when really, the problem is we have refused to grow up!
I know even the bible has adviced us to be like children, “For the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these”. But there is a very big difference between Childlikeness and Childishness. And marriage is the great separator of the two.
Love is good in a marriage, but the ‘feeling of love’ alone cannot keep a marriage going. Lately, I have been thinking hard about 1Corinthians 13, the chapter of love. If you measured your love againts the yardstick of that chapter, what do you need to be more conscious of? I say consious because sometime we go through marriage like zombies. We just make sure we tell our significant other ‘I love You’ while every other action says we don’t!
There is a very good reason why Paul added verse 11 to that chapter. “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me”
After a whole chapter on what love is and isn’t, why would he talk about maturity? Maturity in marriage is tested in the crucible of problem solving. In counselling, they will tell you a million and one things about solving prolems in marriage. A husband and wife who can SIT and talk about things they seem to have strong difference of opinion about without a Homicide being reported will stand the test of time. Because it is very hard to be civil especially when tempers are flaring and emotions are erupting.
But a hard talk is important in marriage because if you have chosen to live together, it would be not only disatsifying but also devastating to just let the days go by and wait for death to separate you! But for some people, it is easier to skin a porcupine than getting them to sit and talk! There are a few things we can learn from Paul in that verse:
- I talked like a child
Are your words clear and audible or you are the master/mistress of muttering under your breath, grumbling alone inaudibly as you noisily do your chores. Are you sarcastic? Guilty as charged — Aunty Acid has nothing on me in this department! And we women know how to swing a comment so sarcastic it can cut open a heart! Are your words well thought, do you listen to UNDERSTAND or you listen so that you can answer and defend yourself. Men do this most of the time.
Are your words loving? Do you say things to hurt the other person or to make them shut up? When you soberly think about what you said in retrospect, are you proud or ashamed? Does your spouse trust to talk to you and not feel demeaned or disrespected? Are your words clean? Once I had grown fond of the word ‘stupid’. It was harmless really (or so I think) and I would have many ‘stupid this or that’ until my husband told me to stop calling all things stupid! Repentance mode! 🙂
2. I thought like a child
How are your thoughts? Are they clean? Are they truthful or do you conjure up in your mind anything that will get you out of trouble? Do you seek to see things as they have been presented to you or are you the mind-reading guru? Do you accuse your spouse of things they haven’t even done yet because your mind told you so? Who advises your thoughts? The WORLD or the WORD? Watu wasome Biblia.
3. I reasoned like a child
Do you leave your spouse thinking, “what kind of reasoning is that?” Are you sober minded? Does the things you have agreed upon with your better half cease to exist when you are confronted by different situations? Do you reason with facts or feelings? What has shaped your worldviewand the way you look at marriage and your spouse in particular?
Today’s world is full of ‘All men are like…” and ‘All women are like…” Do not hang your husband or wife out to dry To justify a stereotype! Not all men are team mafisi, not all girls are gold-diggers (Although money does make us a little happier, give us some once in a while 😉 ) I once saw in a facebook group a girl who is fighting with her husband because he said he wants to work from home. She is worried he will be with the house girl the whole day — what with all the stories we hear of team mafisi and dms! But the guy has never given her a chance to doubt him, not once! #SMH!
Like Paul, let us put the ways of childhood behind (us). Because it is assumed that we got married because we were grown up!
Let us pray that the Lord grants us wisdom to engage with our loved ones so that we do not reason like the heathen do!
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
LOVE NEVER FAILS!!