Okay, I lied. It is serious! Sit down, we need to talk.
I can see your face, drop the smuck already, I have a point here, atleast I think I do. Alright, it’s a little weird seeing such a title from one who is spotting a wedding band, and I can hear all the singles saying, “Yeah right, she can say that because she is taken!” Nktest! (insert an emoji rolling the eyes).
In the recent past, I have heard too many stories of broken and breaking marriages and ‘I’m staying on because of the kids’ marriages until I’m wondering what we are doing wrong! My most recent story left me utterly shattered because the girl is pretty, and she saw the tell-tale signs of an abusive husband way before she married him but did not have the courage to say, “wait, I need to think again!”. She was too busy wondering what the parents and the elders and every one of us will say, forgetting she was buying the shoes, she will wear it alone!
Getting married and ‘settling down’ are used synonymously, and I can’t help but wonder, is someone incomplete and ‘unsettled’ until they get married? When I think about the phrase ‘settling down’ I imagine a restless person, disturbed person, unsatisfied person, someone who has not found ‘IT’ yet. And this ‘IT’ is only found in marriage. So you wake up every morning and pray that God ‘settles you down’ soon. Or you hop from relationship to relationship hoping to find that one who will ‘settle down’ with you! What a troubled heart and mind!
If you are in this ‘settling down’ category, please allow me to burst the bubble for you — marriage does not settle all your problems. Marriage is not a state of Nivana where all things are serene and there are no more troubles and the world is under your feet. Far from it. Ask Paul, he who never got married but he shot straight at the bull’s eye — “But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.” 1 Cor 7:28.
In marriage you will experince joy that you would otherwise not find anywhere else. You will never walk alone. You will have a chance to witness albeit in a fraction the relationship between God and man. You will be loved and forgiven and loved some more. You will have someone whose sole goal in life is to make you happy. You will be given a seat among the honorable members of the community because it is assumed you are ‘grown up’ and responsible! You will gain some weird respect only the married seem to get, I must admit! You will get a new set of parents who can actually be heavenly contrary to popular belief.
You will live with the peace of knowing you got the right person who loves you right because he is tapping from the source of love Himself. You will enjoy the beauty and ecstasy of romance only experienced by people who know they aren’t stealing, that mommy and daddy know and they are okay with it!
If the Lord wills and gives you the icing on the cake that is a baby, you will experience love so pure it makes your heart raw. You will finally know what it feels to have a mini-you walking on two feet and utterly dependent on you. You will know how little, sloppy kisses can melt the hardest of hearts and undo all the weariess and harrasment of a bad day. And doing it together with someone who loves you makes Romeo and Juliet sound like a bad joke!
But like my husband likes to say, marriage is not for the faint hearted! Because you will be tested and tried, your own self will be laid bare — figuratively and literally. You will be exposed to your own faults and the faults of another human being who is now your ‘soul mate’ and who is one with you and you will not have the option of saying, ‘I want out!” Because you cannot just walk out and remain unscathed. We will always know you were once married, you will even get a new title — divorcee! And let no one lie to you that even that walking out is easy! It is easier to sprint up Mount Everest than to walk out of a marriage.
So, please, before you give your heart to another conman, shut your ears to us who keep asking you when we will ‘eat pilau’.We will go home and cook our own pilau Njeri and everyone will be happy — except the Luo of course :D.
If you haven’t found the man who loves God more than he loves you, wait. If you have found someone who seems sneaky, if there are things you have noticed that you are afraid to tell your mother, wait. If every time you meet him or her you end up feeling like you are missing something and your heart is asking questions, wait! If there are things you see in him that you feel you can’t live with, till-death-do-us-part is a very long time, my dear, just wait! And if he ever threatens to hit you, by word or deed, darling, bolt! Because thoughts soon become actions. Love is blind, marriage is the real eye opener!
You are not broken because you are ot married yet. Your awesomeness does not depreciate, as long as the everlasting, never changing God lives in you, someone will find you, and they will be enthralled by you. No man can complete you, if you feel empty now, you will probably feel empty in marriage too! Find your purpose and fullness in Christ first, maybe, just maybe that is wat he is waiting for!
Do not get married with the idea that you will change a human being, you are not the Holy spirit, you can’t change a person! If you are born again, stop asking ‘Is it wrong to …” Because any question that begins with ‘Is it wrong… the answer is always Yes!
Marriage is not a rite of passage, its a life-long commitment between two people who love each other and are committed to God. It’s never really too late, wait. The best is yet to come. Ask me 🙂