I have made a habit of evaluating my arguments with hubby, as I do all things in my life, which, by the way is terrible habit.
This is Mercy.
Mercy conducts a post mortem of all things that she says and are said to her. Mercy makes things worse than they really are.
Do not be like Mercy.
Anyway, my post mortem results are back from South Africa 🙂 and these are the findings: the poor guy is really misunderstood. This is one of the posts I keep wishing he will not read lest I never win an argument again. And all men can tell you, there are arguments they will never win.
Mercy: I need to lose some weight.
Hubby: Maybe you should start exercising.
Mercy: So you think I’m fat!
Hubby: No, I like you the way you are. Have you seen me admire skinny girls on the streets?
Mercy: ooo, so you admire plump girls?
Hubby:(sinks into nothing box)
That is just one example of the times hubby has said one thing and I have heard a totally different thing. In my analysis, I have tried to look into why men say one thing and women hear something else (that sounds like the title of a book I should write).
I have realized that one of the greatest reason why I regurgitate matters in my head is unresolved conflict.
Forget karma, I am way worse. I do not forget, I remember every single thing that was said and how it was said. I remember what hubs was wearing when he said, what he was smelling like, what the weather was like and to crown it all, I create a reason why he said it – whether he agrees with it or not. And unless my problem is resolved, I will bring it up even if it takes a year, and most of the times, I usually haven’t planned on it. It just pops out of my head into my mouth on it’s own. I swear.
So we have made a pact of not leaving things unresolved, because yours truly will come back with an edited, revamped version of events. And it will not be sweet. If I feel a matter is unresolved, I try as much as I can to ask everything I feel I need to know about it. Sometimes this takes different days of talking about it, until we both feel satisfied that the matter has been laid to rest not to be resurrected again — so help me God :). Half the time, Ben is left feeling so misunderstood when an issue he mentioned in passing is brought up later, sounding a million times worse than it really is. A couple of weeks ago, we were having a casual talk , we both can’t remember what it was about. He says something and I quip, “Is that why you have been hating on my curtains?”
Mercy: Ever since you saw so-and-so’s curtains, you have been hating on my curtains!
Hubby: (Flabbergasted — see I went to school, I can use big words!) I need a retreat with men!
Hubby: I need to know how to not open my mouth at all and how to sieve my words all the time!
You see, me and my girlfriends have a whatsapp page where we talk about almost everything. We encourage each other, uplift each other, admonish each other. We talk about our pregnancies, our babies, our husbands, our house helps. We share our joys, ours, tears, our surprises, recipes — name it!
Who do the men talk to? Do they have a special whatsapp page where they discuss their beautiful, hardworking, parrot wives and the dinners we so relentlessly exchange recipes to make for them? Do they?
So, men, my husband needs a men’s retreat, who is in?