In Defense Of Wedding Committees: Tenda Wema Nenda Zako

For a while now, I have sat down with clenched teeth and a palpitating heart and read blog after blog, facebook post after facebook post of people bashing wedding committees and the people who dare call for them. One time, I was confident enough to comment on a friends blog, I was on the unlucky minority. After a friend called the other day and expressed her concerns over the same, I decided to be bold, against the grain and come out in defense of wedding committees — I hope I will still have friends after this.

Wedding-committee-planning

We had a wedding committee when we were planning our wedding. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. We didn’t have a heavy budget, but we also didn’t to just move in together because we didn’t have enough money. We explored a few options; my husband had the genius idea of a morning wedding with snacks or an evening wedding. I kept imagining my mom and the entire village coming to Nairobi to drink Softa or Mirinda and queen cakes and it just didn’t sound right. So, to meet our budget of 250k, we organised a wedding committee.

To this day we don ‘t believe we pulled off a great wedding — I know it was great because the people from Meru ate until they were ‘fed up.’ And I can tell you, the people from Meru are rarely fed up with food. You see, I had just completed 2 years of Volunteering in an Christian organisation, and Kamana didn’t have a stable job then. But brother and sister-in-the-Lord had to be married. Friends came and gave beyond what we expected, and we had a great day. And for that I’m eternally grateful.

I lost a few friends in the process. The advice I got was, “call everyone, text everyone.” So I did. Some people weren’t too happy, though they didn’t say it I could tell by how cold they got on facebook or when we met. Many people I had considered friends went MIA on me. I held no grudges, I was too busy planning a wedding on a very thin budget. I accepted everything, it didn’t have to be monetary contribution. Two of my friends got together and bought sodas, someone bought us food, someone gave us money for the cake. It was the greatest show of God’s family holding up their own when we needed them.

I have seen people today get pregnant and go on playing ‘marriage’ until the day when they will get enough money to ‘throw a lavish wedding’. That is not what I want for my friends who are just staring out and just want to do things the right way. I want to see more young people get married properly without breaking the bank. And for a couple who don’t have much but want to do a holy wedding — emphasis on ‘holy’ — I will contribute whatever I’m able to.

Can we stop with this bashing of wedding committees and support the brethren who want to get married. Unless a couple is raising money to fund an extravagant wedding and are ridiculously dictating what you should contribute, just support them with whatever you have. And if you can’t, just go in peace and attend the wedding later, because it will happen whether you give them or not. What do we want them to do? Elope? Come-we-stay? Wait until they can afford it and then sin in the process? People of God, whatever happened to generosity?

Like I have heard it said here many times, “tenda wema nenda zako.” 

 

 

My Daughter, You Shall Have No Freedom of Worship

Someone said something this week that left me thinking very hard, wondering what I want my kids to praise me for when they are old enough to know that mommy could have been wrong, actually. Right now, mommy is never wrong. She wears a thousand caps — doctor,night nurse, Guidance and Counselor,protector from the monsters when there is black-out, swimming coach (well, that is really daddy’s), voice coach and milk dispenser.

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Why Husbands Need a Retreat

I have made a habit of evaluating my arguments with hubby, as I do all things in my life, which, by the way is terrible habit.

This is Mercy.

Mercy conducts a post mortem of all things that she says and are said to her. Mercy makes things worse than they really are.

Do not be like Mercy.

Anyway, my post mortem results are back from South Africa 🙂 and these are the findings: the poor guy is really misunderstood. This is one of the posts I keep wishing he will not read lest I never win an argument again. And all men can tell you, there are arguments they will never win.

Mercy: I need to lose some weight.

Hubby: Maybe you should start exercising.

Mercy: So you think I’m fat!

Hubby: No, I like you the way you are. Have you seen me admire skinny girls on the streets?

Mercy: ooo, so you admire plump girls?

Hubby:(sinks into nothing box)

That is just one example of the times hubby has said one thing and I have heard a totally different thing. In my analysis, I have tried to look into why men say one thing and women hear something else (that sounds like the title of a book I should write).

I have realized that one of the greatest reason why I regurgitate matters in my head is unresolved conflict.

Forget karma, I am way worse. I do not forget, I remember every single thing that was said and how it was said. I remember what hubs was wearing when he said, what he was smelling like, what the weather was like and to crown it all, I create a reason why he said it – whether he agrees with it or not. And unless my problem is resolved, I will bring it up even if it takes a year, and most of the times, I usually haven’t planned on it. It just pops out of my head into my mouth on it’s own. I swear.

So we have made a pact of not leaving things unresolved, because yours truly will come back with an edited, revamped version of  events. And it will not be sweet. If I feel a matter is unresolved, I try as much as I can to ask everything I feel I need to know about it. Sometimes this takes different days of talking about it, until we both feel satisfied that the matter has been laid to rest not to be resurrected again — so help me God :).  Half the time, Ben is left feeling so misunderstood when an issue he mentioned in passing is brought up later, sounding a million times worse than it really is. A couple of weeks ago, we were having a casual talk , we both can’t remember what it was about. He says something and I quip, “Is that why you have been hating on my curtains?”

Hubby: What?

Mercy: Ever since you saw so-and-so’s curtains, you have been hating on my curtains!

Hubby: (Flabbergasted — see I went to school, I can use big words!) I need a retreat with men!

Mercy: What?

Hubby: I need to know how to not open my mouth at all and how to sieve my words all the time!

You see, me and my girlfriends have a whatsapp page where we talk about almost everything. We encourage each other, uplift each other, admonish each other. We talk about our pregnancies, our babies, our husbands, our house helps. We share our joys, ours, tears, our surprises, recipes — name it!

Who do the men talk to? Do they have a special whatsapp page where they discuss their beautiful, hardworking, parrot wives and the dinners we so relentlessly exchange recipes to make for them? Do they?

husbands retreat

 

So, men, my husband needs a men’s retreat, who is in?