I am a Scared Wife! Find Out Why

This week God told me that I’m scared! Yeah, He did.

We are winding up our beautiful get away in Watamu and My hubby asks me to read him a verse. I go to 1 Peter Chapter three because I know it has that final verse that tells husbands “in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

I have been complaining that sometimes he fights with me like a man, then I’m left to cry because I can only take in so much. We have already talked about it and now all things look so bright. Bright enough to read 1st Peter 3. I hadn’t fully remembered that it starts with “Wives submit…” otherwise I would have chosen a scripture that says, “Write your name across my heart..” Oh, wait, that one doesn’t exist! 😛

NO expression | Defending herself female expressing NO sign on her hand

NO expression | Defending herself female expressing NO sign on her hand

So I hurriedly read past the submission verses, anxious to get to the ‘considerate’ part. The last verse before ‘considerate’ jumps right out of the page to my heart. “You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.”

If you haven’t read 1 Peter 3, it’s the one that tells us to call our husbands ‘my lord’ or ‘my master’ like Mrs. Abraham did. I chuckle and marvel at the thought of calling Kamana ‘my lord’. Makes him feel like he is the President! But then again, I think that is the idea.

That submission debate has been around for long, and today’s woman is has become louder and bolder in stamping her refusal to submit. I remember watching a wedding show on TV once and the lady said boldly that she was offended when the pastor talked about submission. No wonder Bi Msafwari has suffered a lot of opposition from women who feel ‘sat on’.

And I’m ashamed to admit that I have been one of these women. Many times I have felt like she is demanding too much of women. That the man is allowed to just be while we have to do all the ‘mpokelee mume, mpashie maji ya kuoga moto, mpakulie chakula, mlishe… sigh! And last weekend, I discovered just why we do not want this submission thingie preached to us anymore. We have given way to fear.

I have been afraid that if I let my husband’s decision take the day without putting in a fight, then something will go wrong. I have been afraid of not being heard, and so I shouted louder with my actions. I have been afraid of being led, wanting my know-it-all attitude have supremacy over godliness and humility. Just as I am afraid to let my husband lead me unhindered and unopposed, maybe I am afraid to let God lead me too.

After we talked about this afraid thing, I prayed to God to let me trust Him and trust in the brilliant, handsome man he gave me to. As I show my husband that I trust him to lead me without me becoming hard headed, he too will lead me with wisdom. Knowing I have truly trusted him prompts him to make decisions that will not give him an I-told-you-so look. All woman are blessed with that look!

So this is me inviting all of you modern independent women to step out of the fear zone into the ‘my lord’ submission zone. This week, call your husband, ‘my lord’, ‘my master’, wash his feet if you can. Do something he has always thought you can’t do. And let him take the wheel, without you trying to step on the brakes and clutch and showing him directions.

Let us do what is right and not give way to fear.

For All Fed-Up Mothers and The Naysayers

 

I’m hoping a mother somewhere can relate to this. It makes me so glad to share an experience happening in my house and then hear another mother say, :Oh, that happens in my house too!” It gives me such comfort to know that my family’s weirdness is at a socially acceptable level.

I’m elated to know it’s not just my daughter who has abandoned her toys for pegs and sufurias; that my husband is in good company when he can’t locate anything in the house even after searching for 76 seconds; that my DM is human after all when she leaves without notice and shows up after a week.

But did you know there is a new breed of people who will almost never see anything right with the way you are bringing up your child? It’s always, “Don’t do that,”

“Do this”

“How could you do that?”

“You should Never do that!”

mom

If I got a penny for every time I have been told how wrong I’m bringing up my baby, I would be living in the presidential suite in Kempisnski. It’s either I’m allowing her to sleep too early or too late or I don’t have a fixed feeding schedule that is why she is a fussy feeder. There are people who will always have an explanation for why your baby is being a baby. She is being a baby because she is a baby. PERIOD.

All babies are different, donge? It is wrong to expect my baby to grow up exactly the way yours did. That is the lesson I have had to learn silently and practice. I will not put my baby under pressure to perform to anybody’s imagined level of growth. Being a mom is learning to make your own decisions,God made you a mom because He knew you could handle it.

My baby girl’s cord took 17 days to drop. I had heard that cords drop after three days or thereabout. So day three came and went  and the cord was still firmly planted on her belly. I comforted myself that it will drop the following day. Day 5 and 6 and 7 came and this thing was not dropping.

That is when you start googling, “after how many days should my baby’s cord drop”. And then google tells me ‘at least 7 days’. I went on a calling rampage, from my mother to her pediatrician. After 17 days, it dropped. I found it lying neatly on her belly when I went to change her diaper.

That ordeal taught me many things, but one stood out. This baby is her on person, she will develop the way her body tells her to. As longs as I’m feeding her properly and keeping her safe and healthy, she will be o.k. She will achieve her milestones at her own pace. And we will not even go into the weighty issue of baby’s weight! That is a heavy matter!

So now when she is still staggering in her walking at 15 months while her ‘agemates’ were stable at 12 months or even less, I feel no pressure at all. I chose instead to see how she has grown so smart, climbing and descending on all surfaces unaided. I choose to see her teeth that are germinating every day, she even has two molars!

I also choose not to ever tell another mother, “Mtoto amechelewa…”

Hakuna cha mtoto kuchelewa! Mothers are hardworking, multi-tasking, sleep deprived machines… umm,..sorry..human beings who need a break they never get. You know you have become a machine when you dose off in the weirdest of places and when going to the toilet is actually a holiday!

So be nice to mothers, give one a hug today. Don’t be judgmental and see all the things she is doing wrong. She is trying all she can to keep that little baby happy and healthy and also keep herself sane.

Happy Easter Y’all!! 🙂