This is why You are Still Single

singleI have been thinking about this post for while now. I didn’t know how to write it and still not look like I’m rubbing my ‘married’ status on anybody’s face. But I have finally gathered the courage to write it. This is after I stumbled upon a note I wrote back in 2011. It went like this:

A store that sells husbands has just opened in City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description on how the store operates. You may visit the store

ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch…………….you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men have jobs and love the Lord. The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!” Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 – You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Well, while I do not entirely disagree with the note that some girls are choosy to the point of missing on really good men, I think now I know better. The urge to go up the floor is really strong. The first floor seems to have the basic irreducible minimum that every girl should consider. While the other floors have good things in them, some of them are built over time — well, maybe except the drop-dead gorgeous part. You either are or you aren’t!

When the world looks at a single girl today, especially a successful one, people can’t help but give reasons why you are single and those reasons are not always good ones. They never take time to ask her what her life has been like or even to know if she wants to get married in the first place! While it is a really awesome thing to be married, there is nothing that makes the unmarried lesser human beings! Even the governor of central Bank is single, if we can forgive the grief we gave him about it!

Just the other day, a friend told us how she was connected to eligible men countless times by some ‘well-meaning friends’. One of the people she was supposed to marry was too old  for her liking and so closed up he barely said a word to her anytime they were together. She finally had to let the ‘concerned’ friends know that she is fine being single and she can get a husband all by herself, thank you!

I strongly believe that God has planned our lives very differently and it is wrong to assume that someone needs to be married at a certain age just because you were! I know of a lady who had reached that age where people had started saying the only person who can marry her is a widower.  Well, they couldn’t have been so wrong! She met a single man, never been married before, he was as Godly as they come too. They had a glorious wedding and now they have a beautiful family, even crowned with a healthy beautiful baby.

It is very important that ladies be open to love. Some of us still cling to deep feelings of hatred and even fear brought about by some sour experiences with life. And men too! One very important thing to remember is, not all men are the same. And not all ladies are the same. There still are good men out there, and there still are good women out there. You just need to look for them in the right places.

It is also paramount to remember that God has mapped out our lives very differently. There is nothing wrong with you if your friends and age mates have all gotten married. They are in no way more special than you and my marriage will not necessarily be any better than yours because I got married first! I will not be more married than you when you finally get married because I got married first! God is not so boring as to photocopy my experience in 1000 other ladies!

So, wait on God. Do not despair and serve him while you are at it. I have noted keenly that all the people got appointed to serve him, he chose them while they were going about their lives busy in whatever fields they had interest in! Elisha was ploughing, Moses was herding, Peter was fishing, even Ruth was gathering left-overs in Boaz’s field!

The Lord has not forgotten anyone. The only reason you are single today, is because God wants you to be! Enjoy it, it’ll never come back!

Is Something Wrong With My Hair?

DSC00259  One and a half years ago, I decided to finally do the big cut. After weeks of postponing even after hubby gave me the green light, I finally set the big date with the barber and downed nearly all my hair. It was scary at first, the sudden cold feeling on my scalp and the ‘empty’ feeling when I ran my hand over my head. But I had done it!

There was nothing really wrong with my hair, but I guess we all have that season when we feel like we want to do something life changing. You know that time when you just want to resign from your job, jump on a plane and go surfing. Well, I couldn’t do the surfing thing so I decided to do something more radical – I shaved my hair!

I didn’t know how it would make me feel but it was one of the most liberating things I have ever done! And it also came at a time when photos of most of the people who had short hair were doing the rounds on social media. I would be glad to let you know that my photo appeared alongside those of our first lady Margaret Kenyatta, and other first ladies such as Janet Museveni and Jeanette Kagame to name but a few – photo-shopped of course.

Not many people were amused of course and I had to bear with the gasps and angry stares from my friends. Others were honest enough to ask what bug had bitten me while others just wished they could be as courageous as I was. I was having a blast experimenting.

A few months later, I decided to let it grow again, this time I was going all natural! So I descended on braiding with gusto! Before I knew it, my hair had grown long! You see, if you have hair like mine, seeing it grow beyond five inches is a call for celebration. And it is also the very light kind so to actually see it form a real afro was quite a feat! So here I was, loving my afro and wearing it everywhere. And I was getting the love and support from both expected and unexpected quarters. My husband loved the afro and a few strangers acknowledge it too.

But then there were question from a few people. At first I thought these were just some concerned ‘friends’ who wanted me to have a treat in some spa or something. But then the questions kept coming, some from acquaintances who I barely knew. And if I thought I was the only one raising eyebrows, I was wrong. I even witnessed a friend get battered on why she hadn’t made her hair, yet her hair was clean and neat and natural. She kept being asked the same question I was getting: “Why haven’t you made your hair?”

I washed my hair every weekend and combed it with a blow dryer so it was not tangled or anything. She too had good, clean, well groomed natural hair yet we still were expected to go to the salon and ‘do our hair”.

Is something wrong with my African hair? Do I have to relax it or put on a weave for me it to be properly ‘made’? I have grown to hate weaves with time but I’m not going to go all hate-mode on weaves but for the life of me I cannot understand why there seems to be so much discrimination against my African hair!

I’m not planning to relax it (it has not informed me that it is tired and needs to relax yet) and I’m also not planning to weave it. I hope more African girls can be more proud of their hair and show it off more often – long, short, dread locks, pop corn – show it off ladies!

Of Broken Bottles and Broken Lives

broken-beer-bottle  The last few days have been interesting. The president said, “Jump!” and Kenyans were all willing to ask “How high?” And jump they did. In fact, they hoped, stepped and jumped from depot to depot, leaving in their wake rivers of alcohol flowing behind them and mountains of broken bottles and destroyed beer barrels. As they say, this time, it was no joke!

Watching the action in various counties reminded me of my days at the university, Fridays were anticipated with as much excitement and enthusiasm as they are today. And the fun would start way before the allowed time; but who cared? This was Friday! Those of us who were not involved in any reveling watched and listened from a distance as the drunken comrades made their way back into the hostels in the wee hours of the morning. Some barely made it to their hostels. I once found one comfortably snoring in the senior ladies’ hostels – on the stairs!

But the real image of just what transpired the previous night would be clearly painted on Saturday morning. The ‘Academic Highway’ would be littered with broken bottles of all shapes, sizes and color. It looked like the intoxicated comrades wouldn’t be done until they broke the bottles. As we cautiously stepped over the broken bottles on our way to the morning prayers, I could not help but think: For every broken bottle, that was a broken life!

And I saw and witnessed lives get broken by the bottle every waking day. One man comes to mind. Since he hasn’t allowed me to share his story, I will call him Mike – everyone knows a person called Mike, right? Mike* had been invited to study engineering, but he couldn’t hack it. So after a year, he changed courses to Sociology. I do not remember a day I saw Mike* sober! He used to be drunk morning, noon and night. He was always reeking of alcohol. Always.

Needless to say, Mike* never sat his exams. I doubt he even used to know when the exams were due! A couple of years later, his drunken mind advised him to gang up with a few comrades to plan a strike. His brilliant proposal was that we go and raze the administration block! We were all sent home for months, while Mike was sent home for good. I have no idea what became of him, but every time I saw a broken bottle on ‘Academic Highway’, I couldn’t help but think about him!

I have watched with keen interest as the operation went on with anger and jubilation in equal measure. Women were especially happy to break the bottle and pour the beer. Everyone was expected to be involved in the ‘operation’ and failure to show up or showing up late with even a hint of reduced sobriety wasn’t taken lightly. Ask the now jobless chief from Muranga!

While I do not condone the destruction of property, I still think the people need to come to that point when they say we have had enough! People dying after imbibing illicit liquor is no longer a cause for sympathy and sorrow, it is outright annoying! Maybe the anger should be expressed at the drinkers who half-soberly explain how they drunk themselves to blindness and how lucky they feel to have cheated death.

But death might be smarter than they think especially if they keep playing the I-cheated-you-again game. Remember the man who died in last year’s illicit liquor tragedy? He had been previously hospitalized after almost going blind after drinking some lethal stuff. This time he lost. Ethanol won. I sure wish we had broken those bottles earlier!

And mothers are not planning to have any more wishes made too late. In the day and age when we have vodkas named Rest in Peace, I say let the beer flow; this time not into people’s bellies but down the drain. Let us break the bottles before they break any more lives! The only responsible drinking is not drinking at all!

The Beautiful Modern Day Sins

sin There was actually a time when sin was in black and white. Today’s sin has got so many shades we can barely tell what is right and what is wrong! And the shades are so beautiful too, you can barely tell you are actually committing a sin!

And the avenues for sinning have also increased, especially with the rise of with social media popularity. You now don’t have to sin alone — sinning is now corporate! I have noted with a lot of concern that there are many things that are seeming ”normal’ but in real sense, they are sin — decorated and glorified!

Homosexuality

I still can’t believe we are talking about THIS! But it is here with us, everywhere we turn. It even was the topic of discussion on TV this morning! Some of us may still be wondering what is wrong with homosexuality. I dare to say that it is the lowest form of degrading of ones body. While they are all over our faces telling us not to discriminate and not to tell them that something is wrong with them, I also feel the need to tell them not to rub their sick beliefs ob our faces!

I am a Christian. The bible tells me, (Warning: This is going to be a long quote 🙂

“The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness, 19 since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. 20For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.

21For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools 23and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles.

24Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.

Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. 27In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error…”

I have realized that Hollywood has an agenda! The agenda is to make homosexuality look so cool and casual we will never know it actually used to be wrong! So every movie and series they produce has a gay couple! I recently watched The Fosters and I couldn’t understand why they had to have two women as they parents! And when a little boy started developing ‘feelings’ for another boy, he was told that it is alright to be different!  That he is o.k, there is nothing wrong with him! What??? There is everything wrong with him!
kapepo So I have made a resolve, a resolution of sorts; to not proceed to watch any movie if I notice they have a gay couple in it. I want my daughter to grow up knowing that  homosexuality is a sin!

Witchcraft and Use of Mediums

I live in Mombasa and seeing a ‘mganga’ sign hung up on a tree is not news. Here they openly advertise their unusual business, complete with an arrow showing you where they are located. How many of you would dare visit them? I mean, these guys have declared themselves the ultimate business gurus, marriage fixers, medics extra-ordinary and even GPRS (did I hear they even find lost people?).

From the look of things these guys have gone digital too! Foretelling and use of mediums is now subtly percolating into our lives. If you are not being told when you will die and what will kill you, you are seeking to know how many kids you will have, or when you will get married, who is your true friend… They only come short of telling us when Jesus will come back!

This has also extended to movies and even cartoons — do we really need to talk about Harry porter?

Let us not be unaware of the devil’s schemes. “Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8.

What else have you noticed? Let’s help each other go to heaven 🙂