Why Your Spouse is Naked and Ashamed

A story is told of one family that had visitors one evening. The wife prepared a sumptuous meal, but when they all dug in, the salt was way over what the doctor would recommend. The guests all looked at the husband and waited to see what his reaction would be — I mean these were honored guests and his wife had just ‘spoiled’ their meal. Then the hubby lovingly called the wife and said, “Honey, can I have some more salt please?”I keep imagining what was planted in that wife’s mind on that day: My husband loves me more than he loves his kidneys!

I have not yet met a place where two human beings are more exposed to one another than in marriage — sometimes literary! And although the natural expectation is that two people who love each other should be unashamed, you can reset your spouse to the ashamed camp if you are not keen. One is exposed emotionally, mentally, psychologically — you literary bare it all before your significant other. In such a situation, the susceptibility to get hurt is very high!

Words. There is a Swahili proverb that translates to mean, ” Once a word is out, it cannot be taken back”. It is only natural for couples to fight. I don’t mean the physical brawls that are accompanied by black eyes and plucked fingernails. There is everything wrong with that. I’m talking about disagreeing. Sometime, our opinion just doesn’t seem to agree and that is only natural because you are two different human beings. In such situations, it is only mature that people compromise and a solution is reached.

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The critical thing to remember is, you can win an argument and lose the person, sometime forever.

Despite how good looking we are, we all have that one thing on our bodies that we wouldn’t mind it looked slightly different. Maybe you wish you were a shade darker or lighter, Maybe you wish you were an inch taller or shorter. Maybe it’s that tooth that is slightly off-course or that skin that is slightly on the rough side. Some of them are things no one has ever seen — except your spouse. Nothing is more unfair and low than to degrade someone on the basis of some unchangeable thing in how they look! So, what do you want them to do about their bodies?

While that has been said, it is good to improve yourself and be someone your significant other is proud to show off. Work on that extra weight, go to the salon, work out, take a shower (or two), be presentable!

Covering your partners flaws is a show of love. A few weeks ago, we had a disagreement with hubby because I felt he had failed to cover me in front of an older woman. The situation was quite funny and it would have been laughable if I wasn’t so annoyed. What he was saying was not exactly a lie, but I felt he shouldn’t have. He has a mandate to cover me and make me look like the hottest, coolest, most amazing wife in the word — which I am :).

I have a mandate to not shame him and hang him out to dry before the whole world, or even before a small fraction of that world. We are both fallen human beings that are being perfected daily by our Lord Jesus Christ. Let us never forget that. Marriage is supposed to shape our character as we love selflessly and be open to growth. Remember, people will view your partner depending on how your conviction about marriage is. Choose your words carefully.

If you openly talk about your partners flaws to people, she/he may never say it but it slowly takes away their self-confidence. Instead of being that confident person that is striving to make themselves better for the Lord and for you, they will coil every time they see you sharing jokes with your friends, unsure if this will be another exposure on her character and her being.

The critical thing to remember is: Your partner should not be the butt of your jokes. Do not sacrifice their joy and dignity for the sake of a good laugh. 

Allow your partner to be naked and unashamed before you. Allow each other to be vulnerable and teachable without feeling trampled on.

A Mother’s Miracle

20141210_110838 It’s six months already! Six months since that beautiful morning when I was wheeled into a theater, with tears in my eyes and a prayer in my heart. Six months since I lay on that cold bed (why are theaters so cold?) and recited Psalm 23 just before the anesthetist knocked me out! Six months ago, I entered a room as just a pregnant woman and 30 minutes later I came out a mother. That morning was a concoction of emotion: tears, pain, in-explainable anxiety and finally expressible joy.

There was also a tinge of disappointment. You see, I had done all I could to make sure I get my baby the normal way. I exercised a lot, I walked for kilometers each day,I drank gallons of water, I tried to keep fit and to eat less salt (this was the hardest of all, i’m a ‘salt-holic’ :).

When my scan showed my baby was getting fatigued, I was so scared. And then the scares turned to fear and frustration. The night before we went to hospital, I sat at the balcony and cried a river! I just felt like I had somewhat failed my baby. We were admitted to hospital the following day so that labor could be induced.

I had heard the scariest of stories about induced labor. Horrific images were painted in my mind and the pain described as insane! So the inducing process started and I waited for the pain of the century — nothing happened! They thought something was wrong so more drugs were pumped into my system intravenously — nothing happened! I still think they were giving me Sprite!

More than 24 hours later, I was still waiting for the said pain, I think it didn’t get the memo. I was frustrated beyond description — believe me! I guess when your mind is made up and you are anticipating something as glorious as a baby, even the absence of pain is not a relief, it’s a disappointment! I cried my heart out again, cried because I couldn’t feel the pain that was to usher my bundle of joy into this world!

On the morning of the CS, everything seemed normal; until the nurse showed up to check for the baby’s heartbeat and it was missing! Missing? What? If we were talking about a bunch of keys or even a cell phone, I would understand. But a heartbeat, my baby’s heart beat was missing! Where the Hague was it? Just like that, a simple exercise turned into an emergency! We were now running helter-skelter trying to reach the theater  in the shortest time. I just wanted them to give me a knife, I would have removed her myself!

That 10 seconds trip to the theater was the longest journey I have ever traveled. I cried all the way there, praying for the slightest movement that would tell me that my baby was gonna be fine. I slipped into unconsciousness as I recited Psalm 23 — and this time it wasn’t for me. It was for the tiny soul inside my belly whose heart was already giving up, yet she hadn’t even seen the light of day.

I woke up with only one question in my mind; is my baby o.k? The gyna assured me, and even excitedly told me that I had a baby girl. I was not relieved until I saw her. And as much as I did not have the strength to hold her, I tried to put her tiny hands into mine. We had traveled the road to delivery, and we were both alive!

It was two weeks before Christmas and we couldn’t think of a better gift. We called her Zawadi! 🙂