A story is told of one family that had visitors one evening. The wife prepared a sumptuous meal, but when they all dug in, the salt was way over what the doctor would recommend. The guests all looked at the husband and waited to see what his reaction would be — I mean these were honored guests and his wife had just ‘spoiled’ their meal. Then the hubby lovingly called the wife and said, “Honey, can I have some more salt please?”I keep imagining what was planted in that wife’s mind on that day: My husband loves me more than he loves his kidneys!
I have not yet met a place where two human beings are more exposed to one another than in marriage — sometimes literary! And although the natural expectation is that two people who love each other should be unashamed, you can reset your spouse to the ashamed camp if you are not keen. One is exposed emotionally, mentally, psychologically — you literary bare it all before your significant other. In such a situation, the susceptibility to get hurt is very high!
Words. There is a Swahili proverb that translates to mean, ” Once a word is out, it cannot be taken back”. It is only natural for couples to fight. I don’t mean the physical brawls that are accompanied by black eyes and plucked fingernails. There is everything wrong with that. I’m talking about disagreeing. Sometime, our opinion just doesn’t seem to agree and that is only natural because you are two different human beings. In such situations, it is only mature that people compromise and a solution is reached.
The critical thing to remember is, you can win an argument and lose the person, sometime forever.
Despite how good looking we are, we all have that one thing on our bodies that we wouldn’t mind it looked slightly different. Maybe you wish you were a shade darker or lighter, Maybe you wish you were an inch taller or shorter. Maybe it’s that tooth that is slightly off-course or that skin that is slightly on the rough side. Some of them are things no one has ever seen — except your spouse. Nothing is more unfair and low than to degrade someone on the basis of some unchangeable thing in how they look! So, what do you want them to do about their bodies?
While that has been said, it is good to improve yourself and be someone your significant other is proud to show off. Work on that extra weight, go to the salon, work out, take a shower (or two), be presentable!
Covering your partners flaws is a show of love. A few weeks ago, we had a disagreement with hubby because I felt he had failed to cover me in front of an older woman. The situation was quite funny and it would have been laughable if I wasn’t so annoyed. What he was saying was not exactly a lie, but I felt he shouldn’t have. He has a mandate to cover me and make me look like the hottest, coolest, most amazing wife in the word — which I am :).
I have a mandate to not shame him and hang him out to dry before the whole world, or even before a small fraction of that world. We are both fallen human beings that are being perfected daily by our Lord Jesus Christ. Let us never forget that. Marriage is supposed to shape our character as we love selflessly and be open to growth. Remember, people will view your partner depending on how your conviction about marriage is. Choose your words carefully.
If you openly talk about your partners flaws to people, she/he may never say it but it slowly takes away their self-confidence. Instead of being that confident person that is striving to make themselves better for the Lord and for you, they will coil every time they see you sharing jokes with your friends, unsure if this will be another exposure on her character and her being.
The critical thing to remember is: Your partner should not be the butt of your jokes. Do not sacrifice their joy and dignity for the sake of a good laugh.
Allow your partner to be naked and unashamed before you. Allow each other to be vulnerable and teachable without feeling trampled on.