So, I finally joined Dead Beat Kenya page on face-book! I have been wondering what the fuss is all about but after checking out what it is about, and after confirming that my friends who have joined are the relatively sane ones, I decided to join too. If I was a cat, my nine lives would be over by now, my curiosity is just over the top.
I don’t exactly like the occasional name calling I see on some posts but I agree on it’s principle: Own up, Act up, Man up! If I was the admin, that would be my mantra! Few things make me angry like someone who will be adult enough to bring a being in this world but not man/woman enough to take care of them in whatever capacity they can.
That aside, I feel more for the girls who have to go through pregnancy alone and lonely and later bring these children up alone. No girl should be pregnant and alone! None. And it just is not the same when there are other people around you. It feels good to know that your partner is there with you.
I think about the many times I have come home from work and all I want is someone to rub my feet. The times I have woken up in the middle of the night feeling hungry and I want someone to be with me as I feel my way in the kitchen half asleep. Other times I have just needed someone to tell me all is alright, that I can cry just because I feel like and that I look good and that I can rest while they make me a cup of hot something.
Or the times I have wanted someone to sit with me and walk me to the doctors room and listen to the baby’s heart beat with me. I have wanted someone to giggle with me at how fast that tiny heart beats and cry with me at just how blessed I am that s/he is doing alright in there. I have wanted someone to help me get angry at the doctor who ‘oopsed’ his way into telling me the gender of my baby when I just wanted to be surprised!
I have wanted to share all this with someone who is in it in the same capacity that I am. Someone who will not be helping me through ‘my’ pregnancy, but ‘our’ pregnancy. I have wanted my husband to be the one doing all that with me. And how grateful I am because Kamana has always always been there!
I feel even more for the fathers who have to fumble through ‘motherhood’ on their own. I remember listening to the story of one of the participants of KTN’s Ultimate Challenge — Weight Loss edition narrate how his wife left him with their little son. She doesn’t care how he is doing and he had to be both mom and dad for him. I still can’t believe a woman can leave her child — even the bible uses that analogy like it is actually an impossibility!
On that page, I have seen many people, some prominent ones too, who clearly could but wouldn’t be there for their children and the mothers of their children. I don’t know what reasons they gave but I can tell them the only reason that makes sense — they are selfish!
Maybe they were so scared of the prospect of becoming parents. Who isn’t it? Seeing your mistakes run on two legs can be quite a nerve wrecking thought. The desire to make their lives so much better than yours and the fear that you might not manage to is scary! But no matter what you did, the mistake is not the child! That girl is just as scared as you are about being a mom, so go and get scared together. It’ll make it less scary and more possible!
One of the reasons why sex before marriage was a no-no for me is because I feared God enough. But I was also pretty scared about getting pregnant and being alone! If you are at a position to be there for your child and his/her dad or mom, be there! Its never about the money, it’s your presence and emotional support they need. The money is an added advantage.
If for some reason you can’t; like maybe you are dead, we understand! If you are alive, wherever you are, if we need to shout your name from the roof tops to get your attention, we will. Dead Beat Kenya has. I’m not sure it will eventually make dead beats responsible, but I’m sure they now know we know them. And we don’t like them.
As Nathan Hayes says in Courageous the movie, “You know, if fathers just did what they’re supposed to do half of the junk that we face on the streets wouldn’t exist.”
I add, and mothers too. Own Up, Act Up! Man Up!