In his marriage counselling video, Laugh Your Way To a Better Marriage, Mark Gungor gives the story of a couple who had lived together for a long time. The wife was asked if she has ever thought about divorce and she says flatly, ” No, I’ve thought about murder!”
When I heard that, I thought, What? She thought of murdering her husband! Bad wife! Then I recalled another story I read of a woman who was so disturbed by her husband’s snoring that she contemplated suffocating him in his sleep with the pillow. She had to wake up and call her best friend and talk to her to keep the murderous thoughts at bay.
Having been married almost a year now (okay, it’s 7 months but a girl can brag, right? 🙂 ) I have caught a glimpse if what the women must have had going through their mind. The thing is, the person I have thought of murdering is me!
Put the stones down already, I know that doesn’t sound very christian. I know it is foolish but there were days i’d be so annoyed and since the only way out of this marriage is death, I’d toy with the thought of dying. It was very selfish and foolish. I hated myself when the anger was over and I’d repent and quote Psalms 118:17 I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD over and over again. oh the grief stupidity put me through!
But I was somewhat encouraged in the thought that divorce is never an option in our life. And I know there are many starry eyed brides-to-be out there who need to know that marriage is awesome and an awesome lots of work too.
I speak to brides because I don’t know really how the men felt. I have an idea as my husband narrated to me, but I really don’t KNOW.
The time we went to my husbands home, I was happy, yet a mixture of feelings flowed in my mind. I remember thinking, “If I die, I will probably be buried here!” And that is when the tears started flowing. I don’t exactly why brides cry on their wedding day, but I now know why they cry before their wedding day.
The whole thought of a totally new family and new home can be overwhelming. This is even in the light of the fact that you two will not live there but will have a new home of your own. It helped that my parents-in-law are amazing people.
When that phase is overcome, the girl overcomes, gets married, goes for honeymoon and comes back to her new home. And that is when the murderous thoughts may kick in. Yet they don’t have to.
Every girl needs to know that you married a MAN! That means, you do not think alike, behave alike or even solve problems alike. I am the ‘we-are-talking-about-it-now’ kind of girl while Kamana is the ‘I-have-to-sleep-on-it’ kind of man. Imagine the chaos when I demand we talk NOW while he says, “tomorrow”-and then goes to sleep.
I had to adjust to his way of problem solving when I knew waiting would provide better results while he had to adjust to my ‘now’ system when the problem or disagreement called for it.
Since opposites attract, you will find that you have quite a few things that are not in common with your spouse. Don’t kill yourself trying to change them, just work around it in a way that finally suits both of you. This will also call for a lot of compromise and understanding. If you are the kind that have the ‘it’s my way or the highway attitude’, you are in for a rough ride!
I once came across a question that put marriage into perspective: What if marriage wasn’t meant to make us happy-but holy? Maybe that was God’s idea all along. But then in being holy, we would be happy. (See my article For Happy and For Holy.)
When my mind goes to the lady in Mark Gungor’s story, i’m encouraged. It is good for the married to share their struggles and triumphs in marriage. Iron sharpens iron, right?
I did my part, what is your story?