Hi people. Sorry for getting lost for so long, but guess what, I was becoming all the wiser in my long break! See some bit of what i’ve been learning 🙂
I’ll tell you something you have probably not thought about. Or maybe you have. Let me confirm it to you from this side of marriage: It doesn’t work!
I’ll tell you this because I was told by my best maid Doreen Lemalee. She has been in it for long and she knows as well as any other married person knows. At first I thought she was joking, only to get in it and realise just how true her words were.
Think of a farm. On the day you prepare it for planting, it looks very good. No weed in sight, all gravel and stumps removed and the soil clods evened out. Then you plant the seeds and then it rains! Everything is just perfect. And then you go back after two weeks and you wonder what happened to the once weeds free land!
If the sound of farming is not appealing to you, especially the ladies, I will give you a very familiar example: your hair. On the day you take it to the salon, you look like a million bucks-probably because you spent something close to that. Your man and all girlfriends have to tell you how good you look otherwise you will be depressed for a month-the period it takes for that hair to deteriorate.
But in three weeks time, that same hair will be in dire need of a ‘re-touch’. Something will need to be done very fast before we start thinking you are losing it, that is your head.
The interesting thing is, we are very careful to work on the hair and the farm when we discover they are deteriorating. The same diligence needs to be used on marriage.
You have to continually work on your character with a view to become a better person to live with. Nothing exposes you to yourself than marriage. And by the third month, you begin to wonder who this whole new person is. You need to constantly work on yourself to make the marriage better. Before you start pointing accusing fingers, ask, “What did I do?”
Constantly pray for each other and together. The devil has his eye on the family, especially godly families because he knows those are the perfect example of God’s relationship to man. And oh, how he’d love to distort our vision of that relationship!
Know that you married an imperfect person. This whole idea of Mr. Right and the Knight in shining armour is breaking quite a few marriages today. Know that this guy actually has phobias, he fears snakes and scorpions but will wage war against them if they appear to save face while slowly dieing inside in fear.
He will forget your birthday and even anniversary but he loves you all the same. He will have no idea what the valentine fuss is all about and will even seemingly ignore you while watching news but he loves you all the same.
Cut him some slack when he forgets important dates and remember the times he surprised you with a romantic dinner or even serenaded you with his not-so-melodious voice but you loved it!.
Or when you were unwell and he took care of you, checking on you every second just to make sure you are breathing. Remember the days he stayed up late or rose up very early to pray for you. Remember the little things even he doesn’t remember and appreciate him for it.
And you, guys, she doesn’t have to be the greatest cook that ever lived. but she tries to make you good food. Appreciate her for it. Pray for her often and let her know DAILY how she is the hottest girl in East and Central Africa, South of Sahara and north of Limpompo. Even after 50 years of being married to you, she will need to know you think she is very beautiful.
It really does take two to tango, so if your spouse is trying to make the marriage better, work with them. Don’t let them do all the work, it’s called a marriage because it is a covenant. And a covenant is no covenant unless two people are in it.
So, like your salvation, work on your marriage with all you’ve got. Forget the myths and give yourself fully to it. Like My best lady said, marriage doesn’t work, you make it work!