No, I Don’t Love You!

There is one thing (almost) every girl dreams of. Her wedding. She visualizes her groom, her cake, her honeymoon, her wedding gown.

She sees herself  walking down the aisle, her prince charming waiting at the end of the line in total anticipation. Or maybe she wants a little private ceremony. With just a few people, the ones who matter – her groom, her parents, her friend(s). The one they call an intimate ceremony.

1 But there is one more thing that every girl need – an engagement. By engagement I mean, do not be what we call ‘brothers of signs and wonders.’ You show the girl all the signs that you are interested in her, then you suddenly take off and leave her wondering what happened.

Let the girl know that you are interested in making an honest woman out of her-by putting a ring on it. That means, when you are courting her, don’t behave like you are sampling a few then settling for the best.

Few things feel as bad as a girl beginning to like you, then realizing she is just one of them in the list. That you are sampling many to choose from. It’s a complete turn off.

Long before I met my Prince Charming, Kamana, there was someone who was showing ‘signs’. Guys, no matter how much we pretend to act surprised when you finally ask us to marry you, we always see it coming. always. So I had seen the signs. My heart was beginning to warm up to this one and waiting for the time I will say, “let me pray about it!”Well, the time never came. The warmth in my heart froze when I realized he was sampling a few others.

I know crushes do happen, and especially for us ladies, the worst thing we can do is actually act on it. Ask me I will tell you. I had a crush in my ignorant days that almost ruined a very good friendship. So ladies, hold your horses. The joy of the game is in being chased.

So you told a girl you love her and she gave you the chinese eye scold and the indian shrug? That was before she said, “I don’t love you”, right?Here’s why.

We don’t want to be merely girlfriends. We want to be the only one who capture your heart. Even if we finally get to be your choice, the nagging notion that we were not the only fish in the sea doesn’t go away. we want you to say to us like Solomon, “You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace.”  Mistari 😉 !!

One of the reasons why Kamana is such a great guy is because he wasn’t sampling. And we always know the ‘samplers’ so believe me, I knew :). He met me, he liked me, he loved me, he told me he loves me and wants me to be his wife, he married me.

Contrary to what the soaps have taught you, there is nothing good in being a Casanova. End the games right now and let the girl of your dreams know you have eyes for only her. And when she does, she will both love you to bits, and respect you forever.

This sampling does not only taint your character, but it also leads you to waste your precious single years. And if you aren’t content in being single, you will NOT be content in being married or ‘hooked up’.

Your spouse compliment you, not completes you. You ultimately get your completion from the Lord. So, serve him while you are still single, and when the Lord gives that girl, give her a proper engagement. She deserves it.

If You Can’t Add Years To Their Life, Add Life To Their Years

I did not have the pleasure of meeting my grandfathers. They died long before I was born. My mom has stories upon stories of what kind of people they were. One thing that is clear is, she loved them and they aged gracefully, and died peacefully.

I was lucky enough to meet my grandmothers and we-the cousins- have got so many sweet memories of life with them. My maternal grandma was funny and strict. She had had her leg amputated and waked on crutches. the villagers playfully called her ‘miguu tatu’- three legged one.

She was also quite forgetful. One time she sent one of my cousins to the shop, and then she forgot that she had given him the money. She caused quite a scenario, calling him and all of us thieves, warning our aunts never to invite us to their homes because we would steal from them like we had stolen from her. At the height of her drama,my cousin Kiki came back with the goodies from the shop much to her shock. If you think she said sorry, think again.

Towards the end of her days, my uncles and aunties took good care of her, taking her to hospital and making sure she was comfortable. She didn’t lack anything. She too died gracefully and now lies under a Frangipani-(ish 🙂 tree.

For some reason, I have a heart for old people. They are frail, and fragile and weak, at least in their bodies. They have tonnes of wisdom to offer and years of experience to tap from. And for that reason alone, there is need to give them a better end.

Since we cannot do much for the old especially if they are sickly, it would be just awesome to make their last days memorable. My heart bleeds when I see an elderly person being mistreated or suffering in vain.

It’s even sadder when they are killed because they are supposedly witches and wizards. In their sunset years, life should be beautiful. Wrong choices may lead to their predicament in old age, but if we can, i’d pray that we make thier sunset days sweet.

The same goes for the terminally ill. if we can’t add years to their life, let us add life to their years.

Now I know: Marriage doesn’t work!

Hi people. Sorry for getting lost for so long, but guess what, I was becoming all the wiser in my long break! See some bit of what i’ve been learning 🙂

I’ll tell you something you have probably not thought about. Or maybe you have. Let me confirm it to you from this side of marriage: It doesn’t work!

I’ll tell you this because I was told by my best maid Doreen Lemalee. She has been in it for long and she knows as well as any other married person knows. At first I thought she was joking, only to get in it and realise just how true her words were.

Think of a farm. On the day you prepare it for planting, it looks very good. No weed in sight, all gravel and stumps removed and the soil clods evened out. Then you plant the seeds and then it rains! Everything is just perfect. And then you go back after two weeks and you wonder what happened to the once weeds free land!

If the sound of farming is not appealing to you, especially the ladies, I will give you a very familiar example: your hair. On the day you take it to the salon, you look like a million bucks-probably because you spent something close to that. Your man and all girlfriends have to tell you how good you look otherwise you will be depressed for a month-the period it takes for that hair to deteriorate.

But in three weeks time, that same hair will be in dire need of a ‘re-touch’. Something will need to be done very fast before we start thinking you are losing it, that is your head.

The interesting thing is, we are very careful to work on the hair and the farm when we discover they are deteriorating. The same diligence needs to be used on marriage.

You have to continually work on your character with a view to become a better person to live with. Nothing exposes you to yourself than marriage. And by the third month, you begin to wonder who this whole new person is. You need to constantly work on yourself to make the marriage better. Before you start pointing accusing fingers, ask, “What did I do?”

Constantly pray for each other and together. The devil has his eye on the family, especially godly families because he knows those are the perfect example of God’s relationship to man. And oh, how he’d love to distort our vision of that relationship!

Know that you married an imperfect person. This whole idea of Mr. Right and the Knight in shining armour is breaking quite a few marriages today. Know that this guy actually has phobias, he fears snakes and scorpions but will wage war against them if they appear to save face while slowly dieing inside in fear.

He will forget your birthday and even anniversary but he loves you all the same. He will have no idea what the valentine fuss is all about and will even seemingly ignore you while watching news but he loves you all the same.

love is

Cut him some slack when he forgets important dates and remember the times he surprised you with a romantic dinner or even serenaded you with his not-so-melodious voice but you loved it!.

Or when you were unwell and he took care of you, checking on you every second just to make sure you are breathing. Remember the days he stayed up late or rose up very early to pray for you. Remember the little things even he doesn’t remember and appreciate him for it.

And you, guys, she doesn’t have to be the greatest cook that ever lived. but she tries to make you good food. Appreciate her for it. Pray for her often and let her know DAILY how she is the hottest girl in East and Central Africa, South of Sahara and north of Limpompo. Even after 50 years of being married to you, she will need to know you think she is very beautiful.

It really does take two to tango, so if your spouse is trying to make the marriage better, work with them. Don’t let them do all the work, it’s called a marriage because it is a covenant. And a covenant is no covenant unless two people are in it.

So, like your salvation, work on your marriage with all you’ve got. Forget the myths and give yourself fully to it. Like My best lady said, marriage doesn’t work, you make it work!